The value of people - too many people - is left unsaid.
How many times have I sung high praises for people who would never know I was anything but totally neutral about their presence or existence? Far, far, too many times. And what a sad thing it is for someone to be loved and never know it. It is so easy to assume people know how loved they are, or how intelligent their contributions in class are, or how their smile lights up a room. It’s a dangerous thing to assume people know they’re admired, because there lies the risk of no one ever validating how cared for they are.
Secret admirers are sooo out. Admiring others openly is a lot more fun (and meaningful).
For many, affirmation by others is unnecessary. For others with egos more fragile, affirmation is necessary (guilty). I guess you could chalk it up to different “love languages” or something equally as cheesy. But I think there’s something more to it than serving an ego. Making people feel good, and more specifically valued, is important and sometimes life-altering. Far too many of us struggle to feel accepted and valued and loved. And we can only hear “You are loved!” over and over again so many times before it feels like an empty cliche. It’s sadly universal to feel alone sometimes… So why aren’t we telling each other how we feel? Let us not assume we all know how we feel about each other. Living earnestly is underrated and underdone.
We are just about all scared of genuinity to a certain extent, because we are conditioned against it. It’s weird to show appreciation or admiration. And if it’s not for a birthday or celebration, or - !!! - not on social media, what’s the point? How radical and imposing to tell someone we care about them privately and randomly, right? Yeah, I don’t think so either.
The most memorable moments in my life, by far, have been moments of unexpected appreciation by people. Whether an appreciation for my person as a whole or for a small act of kindness I did, being recognized /getting some validation that I’m doing something right has felt pretty good. Never weird, never creepy, never unappreciated. Being told I have made someone’s day, made a difference in their lives or even just made them laugh has been so rewarding - and sometimes a saving grace. In the times that I’ve been struggling with my own mental health or self-image, these instances have given me such immense feelings of value and self-worth.
I remember a specific occasion, after a particularly difficult few months of rocky mental health and self- image, when I got a text from someone I didn’t know well and hadn’t spoken to in years. It essentially acknowledged I’d been a positive light in their life at some point in time, and that they appreciated our paths crossing. And I did not take that lightly. Not only did this mark a complete shift in my self-worth (and subsequently my mental state )- it gave me the inspiration to make time to thank others and express love to others. This person taking five minutes to thank me, for kindness I exhibited years previous, made me feel like everything I was doing was worth it. Like I was worthy. What an amazing feeling to have simply for having someone sent me a sweet message. Because of this lovely experience, I try not to let much time go between expressions of gratitude for my friends. I try to reach out to people I admire or enjoy, even if it makes me uncomfortable. I thank impactful professors and mentors. I call my grandparents more. I reach out to acquaintances I’ve drifted from. Etcetera.
It takes so little effort to spread some kindness when convenient - and it’s more often than not pretty convenient. Not only this, but it makes me feel good. We could get into the ethics of whether any kind act is truly selfless (a conversation that, if you know me, you know I love to entertain) - but a more important question is… does it matter? Putting love out into the world makes us, generally, feel good. If making someone smile helps you sleep better at night, it’s a win-win. Love creates love creates love. Kindness is contagious. Cliche, but you get the point.
Let’s take full advantage of human connection. Paths cross, and sometimes stay parallel - but so often, paths cross and continue on in separate directions. I’ve been particularly struck, recently, by the temporary nature of so many relationships. Circumstance plops people in and plucks people out of our lives, and will continue to do so throughout our lifetimes… However, the length of time spent close to certain people doesn’t always have the most bearing on how much they affect us, as I have come to realize. I have taken some time to reflect on which people have had the most effect on my self-esteem, happiness, worldviews, and behavior… and most of these people have actually been people come and gone from my life. Sad? A little. But perhaps more so… how beautiful! What a radiant and powerful presence must some people have to come into my life, change my world, and then continue on to wherever life takes them next. I am striving to have some sort of similar effect on the people in my life, as they deserve equal amounts of radical positivity. I want to make path crossings meaningful, as each interaction and meeting and relationship is a gift in its own way.
So…
Let’s thank the people who have molded us, inspired us, or just made us smile. Validation and appreciation are powerful tools; use ‘em! And then, let’s try to provide love and inspiration to those who deserve it and perhaps need it. This should go without saying, but kindness is a life-saver sometimes. Utilize how accessible it is to make someone’s day.
Spontaneous appreciation makes everyone feel good. You. Them. It’s a win-win. Tell someone you love them, or like them, or maybe just enjoy their presence… or even just liked their outfit the other day! Make your presence, long or momentary in the scheme of a lifetime, impactful. This is something that I think we can all strive for, and that we can all live more meaningful lives while implementing.