Strong women are not inherently likable, and this is because weakness is intimidated by strength.
As usual, I was prompted by someone else’s much more eloquently put thoughts to write on this topic - this time by comedian Iliza Schlesinger. The idea came while watching her new Netflix special, which I highly suggest (feel free to sponsor me Iliza!), "Elder Millennial". Not only is she hilarious, but her words on the perception of women were incredibly accurate. She so perfectly captured the phenomenon of strong women, with their lives put together and in powerful positions, being less desirable (in this context, to men), than the stereotypical sweet, soft, and unimposing woman. It's hard to sum up her narrative better than she does, so please give it a watch if you're so inclined.
Anyways, the modern archetype of women may seem far more advanced and empowered than years ago - and of course there’s been excellent progress on the front of law changes, specific rights, etc... However, culturally, women are still put into a box - whether we'd like to admit it or not. This can happen in malicious ways, or through much more subtle methods - specifically, the internalized biases against powerful women.
I can explain this phenomenon best from personal experience. From what I have learned, the more confident, clear and perhaps loud my personality has become, the fewer people find me endearing... and that’s okay, I wasn’t made to be endearing. I was made to make a difference and to be respected, and I have so much more respect from those in my life and for myself. I've lived in two extremes - for a long portion of my life being “a pushover”, a punching bag, and incredibly self-deprecating. And I felt praise from all around at this time in my life. However, I had become more of a sad caricature of a woman than anything else. I had plenty of friends (how fulfilling!) and very little respect. In the last year or so, I’ve gained a voice. I have learned to love myself, my brain, my body, etc. - I am not afraid to say “I am intelligent” or “I am beautiful”. And there never should be a problem with that - because there is a world of difference between an all-for-one sense of arrogance and a beautiful sense of self-adoration (because we only live one life, so why not (try to) adore ourselves?)
The more confident and the more vocal about my self respect and self love I have become, I've realized, the more I’m able to offer others. As I said - weakness is intimidated by strength. Before coming into my own as a person and as a woman, I fell so often into the nasty habits of belittling other women and picking out their flaws. It’s gross to admit, but seeing an instagram photo of a beautiful girl could and did put me in a bad mood. When I saw a woman exclaiming publicly that she was beautiful or smart or otherwise worthy of love, I judged that as arrogance... because I didn’t have the quality of self-love, and that intimidated me. In hindsight, it’s so painfully obvious that this came from a place of insecurity and jealousy. The superior feeling of picking someone apart is fickle. Excuse me if this gets a bit cliché, but building others up brings you higher just as much as them. It is a win-win situation, every time.
People will often confuse unapologetic nature with rudeness, or a lack of empathy (AKA a lack of orthodox femininity). How come if I state my beliefs loud and clear, I’m somehow a less kind individual? Why is a woman advocating for politics somehow bitchier than when she kept quiet? Why do we praise meekness in women and condemn speaking authoritatively? Kindness, in my opinion, should always be a goal. Being polite and maintaining the status quo... maybe shouldn’t necessarily always be first priority. There is nothing wrong with being a quiet, reserved individual - don’t get me wrong, there is beauty in those who speak few words (as I could afford to choose my words more carefully). But it’s hard to ignore the patterns of everyone yearning over a giggling girl of little opinion while mocking a woman who raises her voice. Caring intensely about something, whether it be yourself, a world issue, a political topic, or otherwise is not something to be ashamed of. Passion seems to become scarce when trying to fit in and acquire admiration.
It sometimes feels a little silly or naive to assert my version of life wisdom from my ancient, all-knowing age of 19 years old (especially since I’m changing my world-views on a day-by-day basis). However, I find that women’s voices being heard is a pretty universal need - because we have so much to say that needs to be heard.
To end this post, here are just a few beautifully strong woman who have inspired me and/or continue to do so (some from afar and some through close friendships). I wish I could include everyone in my life, as I am blessed with an abundance of lovely (and powerful!) ladies.
